I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
