so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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