I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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