oh god the rape fog is back!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
