just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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