There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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