Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
