Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
