What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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