Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
