Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
two words: eviction party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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