I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
