Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
