yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
