It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
