yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
