Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
