i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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