She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
