first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
