now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
