if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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