Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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