uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
