She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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