there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
