Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

(201): View more from New Jersey

NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

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(914): View more from New York

Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video

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(586): View more from Michigan

My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

maybe i'll see you again later :)

(774): View more from Massachusetts

I'd rather shit a knife.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go

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(662): View more from Mississippi

So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

In some strange universe, yes

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(206): View more from Washington

He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it

(253): View more from Washington

The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence

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