I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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