Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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