I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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