I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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