my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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