Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
