it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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