Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
