fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize