bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
