my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
