you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
