He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
