I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
