We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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