Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
