We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
