why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
