did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
