It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
