Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
