We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
