good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
