saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
4 words: hood of his car
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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