My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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