Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
