I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
