Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize