If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
