I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize