Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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