Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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