i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
