saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
