Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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