I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
