Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
