Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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