whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
