marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need water and some morals
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