My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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